the coldest yet

yes i know.
i've been slacking.
it's been sometime since i've updated. so here we are. here's what's happening.
here is the inside to me.
as much for comfort.
the one and only fear is back. the one that brings the 'fears' people say i have. it's tormenting me. it has come as soon as i was in the process of checking the last clip to make sure it was all secure and starting to climb this mountain of a journey. then there was that one pebble that somehow seemed to go unnoticed yet all it wanted to do was to warn about the avalanche that was about to come. i'm not quite sure what it is. maybe i may not speak it properly but all i want is to leave me be. stop torturing me.i finally was able to get the knife out and start healing and then all of a sudden from behind it's there at my neck again. waiting to seep into this plaster skin of mine. just stay away. i will go down dying in this fight before i allow it to come back. i didn't allow it then what makes you think i would now. when i said it's through and it ended, did that mean nothing? do you think this is a game. AH! your voice is enough. it's a bullet in me every time i hear it. ugh forget this.

this infatuation has become more.
what more is i don't know.
where it will go i don't know.
it's a great feeling.
except the past few days.
but maybe my dirty little secret was right.
maybe it is good.
two more days.
what does all this mean?
why is it the situation tends to be the same... maybe a little more each time. yet the result keeps staying the same.
ugh.
just need to keep praying.
maybe i thought more than i heard.

it's freezing right now.
i'm shivering almost.
i don't get this cold.
oh well.

broken.
empty.
stolen.
thankful.
hurt.
joyful.
pounding.
calming.
new shoes.
lets get down and dirty baby.
i keep calling you to see if you're sleeping.
and if you're sleeping are you dreaming.
and if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?
i can't believe...