they have become my world. he could make me smile even while he knows that i'm so angry because of something he knows he did wrong but he wants us to be happy. you can just tell that he knows what he did is wrong and that he is sorry but he just doesn't say it. he's like me he would rather make you smile and get it over with. how amazing is he. and she. oh my do i love her. she's improving everyday. she knows more than i would every guess. knowing what was being said didn't really hit me until i heard it myself. oh how i was screaming inside and i just saw myself hitting the large white pole that had started to form rust since when he yelled at me things i wish i had never heard. memories are coming back even more. just remember santiago yelling at me that it was ok and i didn't have to worry about it anymore and he was there now so to stop worrying about it. wishing that it were true and that he might have been able to stop my hurting which i knew in my heart that it would never be true but i went along for the ride. the ride of my childhood fantasy that it would all end. that was the one and only time i ever saw him cry. what made him stop caring? if i had to redo that part in my life i would have said no. no to it all. but what made him stop? donny. donny is the reason i never went back to that pole. and the reason i can't drive by it today. i've only gone there once since then and it was with santiago. and how i wish i never went. donny stood up for me. the only one that ever told me the truth. and how he still cares. seeing that smile on his face a week ago. telling me that he will always love me and he is proud of what i am becoming. oh how that was not a regret. deseo que pueda tener todavía eso. antes que es una memoria. i've gotten so caught up in memories of everything through out this. can't tell if it is good or bad yet. but all i can say is that i am glad i have the time to think.
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