behind closed doors.

feeling pretty down. what else is new. ahh so much is slipping away from me for reasons i do not know. maybe it's better this way. and as i run. yes i'm running away, once again. it seems to keep blocking me by hitting me right in the face and stopping me and causing me to change directions to only get blocked off by another wall of hearing it in a different way once again. how can i resolve this. how can i move on from this. how can anyone. yet they are and i can't seem to. i can't even seem to speak about it. to anyone. yet one person knows. and that person was the right one to know. i think. but i need help. real help. but how come i can't get it. ¿seré jamás yo capaz de estar detrás de un cerró puerta otra vez? i'm being forced to. although i know i can't do this alone. AHHH!!! i feel like i'm screaming in a empty sound proof box. ugh. i'm disgusting myself.