28 June, 2006

yeahyeah. overunderin...

i was coming to write about how i felt like i had a good day and then i read my last post. i want to cry. cry myself to sleep. wake up in the rain and cry some more. why i feel this i don't know. i don't cry. i hate crying. ugh. what is wrong with me. how can i let my guard down to give him that control. that is what i have to deal with everyday. that disgusts me. had to work all day today but it was ok. where's ryan. he is supposed to be on to talk to me. jerk. i'm wanting to talk to him. today was the first day i saw him since sunday! ugh so long. realistically it's not. but to me and him that's so long. it was good. i had fun. i'll write more later. i can't do this right now.

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