crap

the dream is back... same repeated dream. will it come true? will everything ever end so i can move on? my thoughts have been overwhelming me. i feel like absolute crap right now. but i did have a good dinner with my community group. i'm really becoming torn up over everything that's happening. i can't wait to be in my buffalo again. but not be behind that glass again. i'm in so much pain i'm about to do the thing i hate the most. i need so much of my God's help right now. i want to let the hatred go and the unforgiveness. will i ever be able to? it is becoming more and more harder everyday it seems. i just want to be happy all the time and not have these thoughts overtaking me. i just can't take it anymore.