i got about 2 hours of sleep last night. ugh. i'm going through that time again when i can't sleep. sucks. because i want to sleep so bad so i keep trying and can't go back to sleep and of course i feel so exhausted that i never get up to do anything because all i really want to do is sleep and stop thinking. but then as soon as the sun starts to rise i have all the energy i need. i'm looking forward to working tonight. because my favorite person is there. but then my 'best friend' at work doesn't work saturday nights. ugh. she is the host that works with me in the days. her name's danielle. she's so cool and we get along great. oh well she works with me tomorrow night and that new guy will be there!!! she hasn't seen him yet but i told her all about him. hehe. i really ought to be doing something. i don't have the motivation, want or energy to though. is it really ok to go and sit in that room and talk to that person? even though you know nothing about them? when really all they do is listen to all that you have to say. never really give you advice. then you pay and leave. never really seems to help to much. except for you let it off you're chest. but that doesn't always seem to be enough. i think i need mr. magnet poetry's help on this one. (i hope you get what i'm talking about. that brick is looking more tempting lately... do you get it? write me an email if you want) need advice... i just need a couple more hours to pass quickly and a lot of things shall feel gone. in a way. should i be doing things differently. should i have done things differently. i want to swing that bat and knock the covering off the ball and watch it flap as it barely makes it over the fence as i run the diamond with all my might and letting all of problems bury into the dirt as i trample over them with the metal sticking a hole into them to let all the pressure release and i keep giving it my all in such rampage not knowing if i made it this time or if that ball will be caught and all my problems seem to just mellow and not be so close to gone and i could be relaxed again but instead i have to look forward to that same thing happening but focus so much harder this time on making it over and gone. but i can't. i can't do any of it. i want to be on that mound of dirt to take that rosin bag toss it into the air catch it and toss it over my shoulder to let it lay until i am ready to use it again then i take those 2 steps forward to that white rubber that i so long to stand on again and i get the fastball sign i've been waiting so long to have and i check first base and then i wind up lift my leg take the step towards home as i bring my arm over my head with all my might with those two fingers on the ball i can feel the seam slipping out of them flying towards that catchers sweet spot in his mitt as i bring my other leg forward just in case and then i hear that pop and know i did it last strike and they're out inning over game over problems over. or as i long to be covered in that beautiful hot armor as i finish yelling the count whose on what base and i pull that mask over my face so i can let out any emotion as i squat and am ready for anything to come my way i point my finger in an upside down 'v' and that curve ball starts coming towards me i'm reading for a pop in the glove a foul pop up or a ... sacrifice bunt and here comes that bat and enemy squared to let that ball bounce into my grassy territory and i 'throw' the ball while i truly have it in my glove and that charger comes toward me sliding with cleats high and bam! outta here. game over.
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