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God is so awesome. wow!! i love him so much. he's.... there are no words to describe how wonderfully amazing he is. well last night was fun. michael ending up having a meeting at work and got off around 7. he came over and lauren, michael and i went to fuddruckers. that was a lot of fun. it's always fun when we hang out but we talked about so many things and just sat there for a while so that was cool just to take a break. then we went and rented '10 things i hate about you' (because i hadn't seen it and lauren wanted me to see it) and 'empire records' (just because that's an awesome movie) so we watched '10 things i hate about you' it was pretty good i love julia stiles so that made it even better. well we found out monday at 10am (New York time) that is when we'll be having everything for my uncle. so sunday night i will fly out and either tuesday or wednesday night i will be back. ... am i being selfish for the way i feel about my stepdad? people keep telling me i'm not but i still almost have a guilty conscience or something even though i know he did so many things wrong and i hurt so bad. my mom is really being supportive of my feelings and that makes me feel a lot better. today's a really busy day for me and i still have so many wandering thoughts that i can't seem to piece together and i'm just having a really ruff day. but God is so amazing in everything he does i just keep looking at him and getting my guidance from him. i hate feeling the way i do. how many of you guys eat by yourselves??? don't you feel awkward and weird if you do? how can you eat by yourself? michael can and i just don't get it. i get to see my dad soon hopefully... i'm glad about that.