stillness. so great.

i hated that conversation. i hated doing that. but it needed to be done. ugh. i'm such a jerk. hopefully it will be understood. it's hard to do it knowing that there is other stuff too. it's so easy to say what to do but once you are there and it's all going on you can't do it. that's what sucks. but i did. which is good in the end. but i just hate doing it that's all. i wish i had her there with me to do it. because then i wouldn't have. ugh. nevermind. i feel like such a jerk for even writing this.
ugh.
the postal service. how nice. it's soothing right now. i'm enjoying being by myself, right now. well for now, how about that. that sounds better. just relaxing. i wish that i did not have to be up at 7 to go to work. sick. there is so much that i need to do. yet i'm sitting here typing this and procrastinating. ugh. i'm thinking way to much. to much for my own good at that. which is obviously not good, not good at all.
well i got a lot to get ready for tuesday evening. so i'm going to start working on that.
then phoebe cates, my elephant, and i will try to sleep in such an amazing comfort that i wish i had more of to surround me with. that sounds so stupid. whatever.

even though it kind of sucks right now this is a nice end to a great birthday.