there are so many thoughts that are going through my head. it seems so hard to sort them at times. there is this amazing new happiness that i have and then there's all the pain, hurt, unwanted, angry, and all those other emotions and feelings. there is so much happening. maybe to much. i'm trying my hardest to do my best but i only seem to feel as if i'm failing. but the truth and even i know it somewhere is that i'm not. i'm doing better than i ever had. i just don't get it. it's obviously not for me to know. but how i want to. even more of a truth is i really don't know how i feel. the question keeps coming but how are you? answer: i'm fine. doing really well.
the real answer: don't know.
i have no idea. i haven't taken the minute to even think. and now that i'm trying it's hurting because i don't know WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?
i hate that he took this all away from me. and what he didn't take he crushed.
the eyes. they hold it all.
noone sees what they say or what they are. can noone really tell what is going on? is it really that big of a mystery? is it really hidden like that?
where? why? it hurts.
i want my daddy to be by my side. i want to see him. to hold his hand.
would that make a difference though. that touch that has been so far that's so close everytime we talk even though it's a thousand miles away. would it be there for me in the way that i need it.
here i sit alone complaining and letting something out that i should probably delete all of this text that was typed but for some reason i will hit the publish key.
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