just for now.

i'm exhausted.

my face is ruined for the time being. in laurie's words 'emily was beaten by an oompa loompa today.'

blah.

i want sleep.

there's a lot been going on.

some are inquiring if they should prepare my funeral. others would like to know if i've finally run away. etc.

no i'm still here. somewhat. a little more insane yet here.

tonight my eyes burn.

but yes i'm here.

i've been at sito's a lot. far to much for my comfort. desi was here the past month so when i was not there it was seeing her. you all know how we are. if not... you are probably better off not knowing. one day i disappeared exclusively to desi and her family just because i needed a get away.

i would like to disappear by myself for a day or two. yet just... yeah.

then there was this weekend.

i have a lot of thoughts about this weekend. let me say it started thursday i started chatting with a old friend. it was quite nice to talk to them again. then friday. friday was an up and down day for me. it was the departure of the desi. i was doing a thousand things at sito's as usual. so her and mami came in to eat before she headed out. well when she came to say goodbye i told her she couldn't talk to me because if she'd talk then she'd say goodbye but if she didn't talk then she couldn't and she couldn't leave without saying goodbye so therefor i was not talking to her. she didn't listen very well and still said goodbye which therefor meant she headed back to san antone. ugh. about 5 minutes later. no jokes. this friend texted me to let me know they'd be coming to houston that evening and be spending the weekend here. this helped take my mind off desi leaving me. (as much as i may sound down and wish desi were here i'm truly glad she's in san antonio. that's where she needs to be right now) anyways they arrived at about 730. i was working for kay that night and it was all hectic. it was... it was fantastic to see them again. this weekend was so wonderful. yet still unsure what to think of it all. i have a thousand thoughts floating through my head constantly. i. yeah i. i uh. just forget it. in other words a lot of things going on and yeah. i wish the answer to all these questions were just there. yet they are not. so much to say but i need to rest my eyes and my face hurts. i don't want to take more meds. please do not make me.

p.s. today manda stole on old person and ran away from me so i wouldn't put them in my closet.