just me and my...

let me start by saying father's day sucks.

well when your dad is not here.

then your 'adopted' dad is working.

and well so are you. what else is new.

michael louis duffy is my father.

he's the only man i've always had full faith and trusted no matter what.

one wise person once told me that you should never trust a man when they say trust me. and believe me i completely understand. there are very few times when they say trust me and you can. you just have to know when. every time my father said trust me. without a blink of an eye i didn't have to think about whether i would or not. i did. plain and simple. no if, and or buts about it. 

many will tell you how my father was not there for me or how he doesn't care and never will or that he's an addict and always will be so that's just him and that i need to get used to it or that he'll never change or that he doesn't have the heart i think he does or that he doesn't know how to be a dad or so much more. well let me tell you. he was, is and will be a better father than half of them out there. yes, i admit he may not have always made the best decisions but guess what neither did my mum or myself or anyone for that matter. yes, there are a thousand things i could think of that he 'could' or 'should' have done but that doesn't matter. i would only change one thing about what he did.

just have held me in his arms longer.

i have an amazing best friend.

i love you desi.

her family has graciously welcomed me as part of their family.

so daddy and i both worked today. so i got to see him before i left for a little bit. he should be home from work soon yet i feel as though i will fall asleep before he arrives. so i left his cards and present underneath the only light on for him to see.

thank-you.

he would have shot him. he would have shredded him with his bare hands. he would have put some nice slices and holes into him. why does no one get that except me?

i wish he would have said yes. but i'll deal.

i'll survive.

all day today all of the conversations have been repeatively playing back in my head. to what each of us were doing at that moment. to the visions of what i was doing and thinking while walking to tell him about it. to those moments where he held me in his arms and told me how grateful he is to be my father. and how i thought if the addiction had not consumed him, how would it all be? yet know that somehow, someway, this is the better way. this is how it should be.

thank-you for being there for me today and helping to get me through it all. i may have broken down without your words. you are amazing. no matter what you say. yes i'm still thinking it

oh and i'll always be his cinderella.