sometimes it hurts more than i want it to. today. alot of stress last night at work. a dishwasher fell and broke his wrist and arm for sure they think he broke his leg too. he fell on the dishes he was carrying so he's pretty cut up too. 2 people and i are the only ones who actually saw it so my words mean alot. what if i used the wrong tense or something. ugh. so much in those words. you don't realize it until they count for everything. i guess the 2 other people didn't really see it either, they saw him falling but they didn't see how. i was the one to call 911. so much responsibility there too. ugh. i don't want it. not right now. i can't handle it. then today. wow. so many screw ups. not by me. i got stuck at work a couple extra hours due to it. then came home got changed and went back. talked to dad. also. AY! why does he not give a crap. i want him to care. i want him to understand. my heart is breaking papi. i cry everyday. i hate this. i don't want to cry. i cry randomly. por que. i hate it. i really do. i want to smile when i talk to him. not think is this the last time. AY!!!! 2 1/2 more weeks. i can't handle it. i have no energy. i don't want to move. i don't want to type. i don't want my eyes to be open. i don't want to think. i don't want this constant headache. i don't want this nausea. ugh. i saw ryan today. YAY!!!! for the first time in a week. that week is finally over. i'm ecstatic. i couldn't stand it much longer. this is ridiculous. why does he care so. i finally am able to call him up at 3.30am and not feel bad for doing it. if i needed someone to talk to. i know that alot of my friends say i can but i feel bad. him i don't. i have someone who can make me smile at work. i have one of my bestfriends back. tomorrow is kaleo. tomorrow is mark is hot! and i can't wait. hopefully i will smile ALOT! papi escoge parar. escoja vivir más largo. por favor, para mí.
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