thinking, over thinking.

i was there, with him, just sitting there. doing what i can't remember. but i know he had his arm around me and i remember as if it were 5 minutes ago him gently kissing my forehead and telling me he would always love me. that day hurt. i still remember the shakiness in his voice. i still remember that clear drop of tear in his eye. and the same in mine. running down my face. making it even harder. i climbed in his arms and never wanted to leave. leave his arms. leave that moment. leave that hour. leave that day. leave that city. leave that state. but here 12 years later i sit. wondering the next time i will be there again. i hate this. i hate being thousand miles apart. i hate not being able to see him everyday when i come home. i hate not being able to talk everyday. i hate not being whole. quiero estar allí otra vez. but what the hell does it matter what i want.