duelo. en más de una manera.

i seem to be stuck in one place as all seems to fly on by. not knowing what to think or what to feel or even what to do. wednesday i got to have a awesome car ride and talk to one of my very good friends. the past few weeks we've been talking and we are a lot alike which is great. afterwards i went over and had an amazing dinner with markandsarah. sarah made us dinner and it was wonderful. then she showed me a website that markandher like while mark did the dishes and then sarah made us banana splits. they were delicious. it felt so good to be able to hang out with them again. last night was an interesting but fun night. we ate at sito's. with jeff.
tonight i work. i'm not really wanting to so much. i don't want to do togo tonight. i do get to see ryan again which is exciting so i can hear how much he enjoyed nickle creek which will be fun.
hearing that ripping sound
being torn
becoming smaller and smaller
becoming more independent
ready to get a new sheet
and write my own story
my way
ready to sprint
but where to stop
waiting to achieve that dream
but then there's that ripping sound
being blown away to the wind

ask me to stay...

1/2 upset. 1/2 can't wait for today. a friend asked me not to long ago what gets me out of bed in the morning. of course me not waiting to answer it said i'm happy for the next day to come and said that i would get back to him on it. i think i have finally finished my answer. the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is not knowing what will happen that day and what God has in store for me. to see how He uses me that day. and once again as i screw up all day long and He still somehow loves me and shows His mercy on me and forgives me. there are 1440 minutes in a day. there are 86400 seconds in a day. and as i awake and my toe touches the floor i know and seem to realize once again how much of the day that i've already wasted. wishing that i had gotten more done and wishing that i won't waste the rest of the day. some times things seem so perfect and that they should just happen. it's as if they go. and there should be no questioning of them. but then you realize 'reality' and you know that that is not right but you agree with the 'reality' but some of you still wishes that so perfections would happen. i work togo today. i'm not quite sure that i want to. i don't feel comfortable there unless it is my normal shift because i don't know how busy it gets and i do not know what to expect. ¿bebía usted? ¿por qué dirí­a usted o pensarí­a aún eso? a friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words...

muero para londres. muero para mi sonrisa para regresar.

just thinking about the past week or so. i'm having a awesome time hanging out with ryan. he's so awesome. we haven't definitely gotten a lot closer. the other day he said something, oh yeah i remember we were talking about us hanging out with his girlfriend because i keep only meeting her for a few minutes and he was saying yeah that would be good if we all hang out sometime because i'm his best girl friend if not his best friend and that is his girlfriend. and that made me smile because i have open up with him a lot and he is definitely hands down my best guy friend. even though he won't leave me alone about marcos. hehe. it's ok though. when we are at work together and i'm getting so angry about all the guests and things he makes me laugh and it helps me take a breath and slow down and realize it's ok everything is going well and it's just normal guests that get upset when i'm doing what we said we were going to do they just want to be sat and things. last night we had our first softball tournament and we got 2nd. that made me happy. i'm still struggling with smiling all the time how i would normally/used to do. maybe ihop tonight...