getting ready for it.

once again. as it tends to be played out over the past few months. i'm being nudged to update.

well my birthday is in a week. it's all starting to become more real that i'm going to be 21. i'm starting to feel young again. not that i'm going to go out and do anything but that i'm being brought back to reality. not that i think i'm older or anything but because of the people i'm around constantly and because of how my state of mind is so far ahead of those my age i find it easy to forget my age often. but yet i know my age but don't think of myself as a certain age. i'm just there feeling my intellectuality. (no i'm not saying i'm not trying to sound snobby.) but anyways. as i was saying, everyone lately has started mentioning it. by that i mean the past 3 days. i'm actually excited about this birthday. i feel it'll be the one i've been waiting for since i was seven. (you'd have to know all of my past to understand this)

i wish you'd write.

but yes as for my birthday on a more thoughtless conversation. i've been asked about 50 times where i'd like to go for dinner or what i'd like to do. i have no clue. i want it to be something casual, yet a more sit down place, yet decently priced (i don't like others paying), somewhere we can all talk but still be goofy. and of course something yummy. oh and possibly a good dessert selection. and in case you think i'm oh so picky and stubborn for whatever reason or snobby for working in a restaurant: due to my 'wants' for my choice. you're wrong. it's because im having two families go and i want everyone to be happy and i think that'd do it.

p.s. am i in checkmate or just check?

cotton candy rock candy and chocolate covered sunflower seeds.

you have stolen my heart. the worst part of it all is that you have no idea. it seems as though all of these magnificent things were happening and then just bam; it all seems to have ended. just like that.

nothing.

nothing left to say. or know what to do. how to feel.

just nothing.

please don't misconstrue this as some ballad of depression either. i just feel it all today and am a little down. tomorrow is a new day and i'll be fine. or though it seems to go.

today i looked back at some things...

'stolen', 'her', 'untitled', 'labeled', etc.

all to think of it. well not really to think of it, more it happened and i thought of it because of that. 

side note: cotton candy rock candy mixed with chocolate covered sunflowers seeds is quite delicious.

now to get my train of thought back... i'm not really to sure where i was going with that.

tonight i feel alone. not that 'i'm alone in this world and that no one feels how i do' alone but more 'i'm not sure how i could handle to be around people right now' alone. if that makes any sense to anyone else out there.

i was so open and honest for once.

blah.

take care of my heart until you give it back. [although if you'd like to keep it i'm willing to give it, i think.]