¿quién es?

well here we go... i'm aggrivated beyond belief right now. so much has been going wrong it seems. all though i know that it will all end up working out and soon enough i will think this was just a small thing but the stress and emotions coming from it are killing me. i'm hurting in oh so many ways. wishing that something could be done. or be done now i guess. some of it may never be resolved and i've come to face that which is killing me inside beyond belief. as i decided to actually finally face it and say yes that's the truth i just wanted to quit now. i feel as if i can't do it. this is all to much to bear it seems. i know with God being right by my side at all times that this is all just my sinful nature telling me these things but it's ruff and i'm not wanting to do what i should do. it seems as if it is extra but really it is the reality and i need to face it before i get hurt more. or even tortured. the other half... oh wow. there will be a private conversation going on in a private room. that i'm definitely somewhat dreading and then extremely excited for it to be finally happening. i hope all that needs to be acomplished are but like i said most of it will be resolved in january at the earliest. tears are what i'll be shedding and i'm hating myself for admitting that and allowing myself to. but i guess it shows that i am growing somewhat. i know i am but it's just hard and feels as if i'm stuck in the pit above my head. i need the strength and courage right now tremendously. what are the words. how should i say them. how will they be taken. what will the reaction be of everything. it's so much. my heart is rushing with more that sixteenth notes with grace notes. which of course is not the right way to phrase that but i like that way much better. my heart is aching. and i'm ready for it to stop. i'm ready for a family of my own. i'm ready for someone to be by me supporting me fully and directing in which way i need to turn. i'm ready for someone to go behind that closed door with and get me help. and that's enough to be said.