take it as is.

there are those days when i'm just going to be quiet. not for any reason in particular. just because. no one had to do anything. nothing had to be done. it's just how it is. i may be tired of it just for what it is. not because something had to happen in order for me to say it or feel that way.

wishing that when i close my eyes and wish that when i open them it all will really be happening.

not sure it ever will.

a week and two days before i fly out.

i need it.

if only it were mine to hold.

a few have been questioning as to why i haven't and when i'll update. some have just plain inquired. well here it is.

it's all i got.

she wore blue jeans and a rosary. she believed in God and believed in me.

i've been trying not to show and no one has seem to catch on yet i feel this will change it and not sure i want to yet i've got to be honest. i've been really down the past few days. and i mean really down. since thursday. trust me i have definitely had quite a few great, exciting moments yet overall just down. emotionally. blah.

things didn't go as i had assumed. yet we all know what that does. which is fine and all. in the end, it had changed. i don't think it was exactly what some wanted. i think it is the best they can do though. i appreciate the effort that is being made. although i'm not sure that what i would like will happen. not for any reasons that you could have prevented. i love you. you are the first in my life. i promise. yet it just sucks on certain days. you know. and blah.

jennifer is engaged. she will soon be mrs. leonardo rosa. i'm so happy for her. leo is a fantastic gentleman. and i'm pleased to call him my brother-in-law. he's so beyond amazing that this whole week he'll be fasting for their relationship. that takes a man of God in order to do that. it still astonishes me what all the Lord has done. i'm beyond grateful. my baby sister is getting married!

this is enough for tonight.

i just wish that when i am on my knees praying there would be someone there to hold my hand with me.